Spread Your Wings: Men in Blue, Book 4 Read online

  How many other secrets did he hide as effectively?

  “So long.” He blew her a kiss then melded into the dusk of her living room. The door didn’t make a sound when it closed, but the emptiness in her apartment—and her heart—guaranteed he’d left the building.

  And her life.

  Forever.

  Chapter Three

  Two Weeks After Lily’s Wedding

  “Stop laughing. I need your help.” Jambrea’s usually smiling face, unaccustomed to frowning or self-pity, couldn’t quite pull off the scowl she attempted. The impressions of her dimples lingered.

  “To get laid?” Lily suffocated her evil bwah ha ha ha and refrained from steepling her fingers in front of her. Her less experienced—way less experienced—friend wouldn’t understand. The inevitable downfall of two cocky cops had more to do with her delight than the obvious discomfort of the woman in front of her.

  The fact that Jambi had come to Gunther’s Playground the exact same day Lily returned to work after her honeymoon spoke volumes. Jambea had thought about her approach, calculated the best course of action. And she was taking steps to get what she needed. Not so different than most of Lily’s clients. Yet worlds away too.

  Red cheeks and bright eyes gave Jambi’s nervousness away even if her short hair standing on end after dozens of finger-combings hadn’t. Lily didn’t need such obvious signs to read the cute nurse she’d become such close friends with. Who’d have thought the Mistress and the innocent could nurture so many commonalities? A wolf and a sheep. Both enjoyed their place in nature’s hierarchy.

  “Well…yes.” Jambrea chewed her lower lip long enough that Lily had to restrain herself from ordering the other woman to stop before she hurt herself. Simply because she was dressed in her full Mistress Lily regalia and sitting behind her desk at her private club didn’t mean she had any authority over Jambrea.

  At least for now.

  “Why? What happened with Matt and Clint? I saw them drag you out of our reception.” Lily tipped her head, truly curious. “I didn’t figure you’d make it all the way home before someone was getting a BJ, at least.”

  “Maybe that’s what I did wrong. I probably could have gone down on Clint on the ride to my place.” Jambrea shook her head. “No. They won’t let me touch them. Honestly, I’m so confused. I don’t get it at all.”

  “Have you asked them what’s going on?” Lily often counseled submissives. This would be a hell of a lot easier if she could lock her three bullheaded pals in a room for a few days. If they’d just let her orchestrate a session, all this extraneous drama could be dealt with so they could move on.

  Then again, the last lesson she’d tried to teach Matt and Clint didn’t seem to have stuck.

  “I did.” Jambi paused, slumping in her chair. “Well, kind of. I went insane on them. Screaming, throwing things, the works.”

  “You?” Lily leaned forward. No signs of sarcasm were visible from several inches closer.

  “Yep. Not my finest moment. I was kind of sloshed, not that that’s any excuse.” She smacked her forehead repeatedly with the heel of her palm. “I asked them what I was doing wrong. Why they kept turning me on, then shoving me away.”

  “What did they say?” A sinking feeling crept into the euphoria Lily had lived with since her wedding day. Maybe… She might know what the problem was after all.

  Could her experiment have gone horribly awry?

  “Some bullshit line.” Jambi’s fight started to fade and instead of amped she just looked weary. Bloodshot, puffy eyes guaranteed she’d spent some quality time mourning lately, too. This was bad. Really bad. “The standard, ‘it’s not you, it’s me—us—’crap. That’s when I went berserk. I mean, how could they have made out with me one minute, the night of your Sex Offender incident, then by the next time I saw them, only a few days later, go into this screwed up downward spiral? Just when I was finally growing a damn spine, ready to believe all the things people have been saying about how they look at me and stuff, they go crazy! It pushed me over the edge. And even after all that—God, I acted like a total frothing-at-the-mouth psycho—I woke up the next morning to find Clint smashed onto the couch and Matt camped on the floor with just my rainbow peace sign Snuggie as a blanket. They faked leaving, then came back to make sure I didn’t die in the middle of the night. Of course, as soon as I woke up they ran out of there before we could discuss anything serious. Why do they care, but not enough?”

  Oh yeah, time to come clean. Because Lily had a feeling Jambrea had suffered weeks of insomnia scouring internally for an external problem. “Are you feeling less postal now? Because I have a confession.”

  “What? You? Did they talk to you? Ask advice or something? I don’t want you to violate their confidence.” Jambi didn’t seem pissed, more inquisitive. She never got that worked up really. It said something that she’d lost her cool with the guys. And no matter how much her heart hurt, she thought of those around her first. So freaking selfless it bordered on unwise.

  Lily could stand to learn from her friend, she thought.

  “No. They didn’t say anything to me. Still, I might have an inkling. Worse, this might kind of be my fault. Oh boy. How can I say this?” Lily considered her options, then decided Jambrea would respect a straightforward approach the most. Even if she didn’t like what she heard.

  Her guest tapped her fingers on the polished ebony arm of the occasional chair she graced.

  “You said they made out with you the night I took Sex Offender, right?” Lily recalled that insane evening. The substance flooding her veins had driven her and Jeremy to extremes. It had been the first time she bent for him. And he’d granted her everything she needed, including access to as many men as it had taken to slake her augmented passion.

  Matt and Clint both included. Shit.

  “Yeah.” Jambrea turned fierce. “And I still can’t believe you did that. The things I’ve seen at the hospital, working on addicts and the lab testing for the antidote… You’re nuts.”

  “There wasn’t another way to infiltrate Morselli’s operation.”

  “I know, Lily.” Jambrea backpedaled. She smiled. “It was the bravest and most idiotic thing you’ve ever done. You saved countless lives.”

  “But…did they tell you what happened after?” As an infamous Mistress, Lily didn’t often feel the need to squirm, but she did now. Talk about honor, Jambrea topped the list. What would she say about the lengths they’d had to go to in order to end Morselli and The Scientist’s madness?

  “That they both had sex with you? Yes. Bitch.” She looked wistful, not betrayed, when her gaze met Lily’s. “Was it good, at least? Let me live vicariously for like two seconds.”

  “I don’t remember a lot of specifics.” Lily shivered.

  “Sorry, that was inconsiderate of me.” Jambrea retracted her wish. “I understand that it was a necessity. That the drug is agonizing if not combated by endorphins released through sex. Truly. I get it. They would never leave you to suffer.”

  “No, no. It’s okay. I’m not going to pretend it wasn’t one of the hottest experiences of my life and would have been even without the chemicals poisoning me.” Even now, the memories had the power to rev her up. And Jeremy was at work on the graveyard shift down at the station. Damn. She drew on years of experience to focus. “I will say, Matt is one of the biggest guys I’ve ever seen. And I’ve seen plenty.”

  “No kidding, he’s built like a refrigerator.” Jambrea hummed. “I like that. He makes me feel dainty. I haven’t felt like that since I was five.”

  “Jambs, I mean he’s big everywhere. Enormous.” Since when did Lily blush? She’d developed the bad habit since Jeremy had assumed control. Damn him.

  “Oh. Right.” Jambrea groaned. “Now I hate you even more.”

  “I’m just warning you because I think someday you’re going to need to be prepared. As soon as we can figure out the rest.” She wondered if vanilla relationships would be as easy to puzzle thro
ugh as the more structured power exchanges she indulged in. In her world, there were rules, understandings, clear delineations of authority. Jambi was living in a free for all. Fucking terrifying. “And unless I’m completely off the mark, I’m betting you don’t have a ton of experience.”

  “Uh.” No response was answer enough.

  “I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. I wish I could tell Jeremy he was shortlisted, one of a precious few, but my dad had me trained by the time most kids go to college. You know that. Your experience is so different from my life. I forget sometimes how wholesome you are.”

  “Lily, your father was a monster. That’s no reflection on you.”

  “Thanks, and I get that. Really.” Her new husband had made sure of it. In such a short time, he’d erased most of her doubts and replaced them with reassurance and love. It would mean so much to help people she cared about find something as precious.

  “So, tell me why you’re suddenly nervous? Beating around the bush isn’t like you.” Without flinching, Jambrea challenged Lily despite her complete Mistress mode. That took balls. “What haven’t you told me? How could it be worse than fucking the guys? Although, they made out with me after that, for the record. Things weren’t all wonky yet. Maybe if I hadn’t been so timid we could have already sealed the deal by then.”

  “No use in wondering what if. They didn’t make it easy on you. They were more interested in butting heads in some crazy bid for your attention than in working together. I think it was that night, that crazy orgy, that might have flipped on a light bulb for Matt and Clint.” Lily schooled herself not to squirm. “I think they liked what they saw. Or at least they realized there are many possibilities beyond the conventional.”

  “So what turned them off again? Me?” Jambrea deflated.

  “I don’t think they’re disinterested. In fact, the opposite is likely true.” She chose her words carefully.

  “Oh sure. They’re soooooooo horny at the thought of the three of us getting it on together they would rather suffer irreparable degradation of their vertebral columns than join me in my shitty, but pretty comfy, bed. Sounds like I barely escaped being fucked to death with Matt’s giant cock. Ugh.”

  “Jambrea. Stop. It’s not you.”

  “It’s them. I know. They said so.” She put her head in her hands and rocked on the chair.

  “No. It was me. A couple days after the Sex Offender thing, I was just messing around. I’m sorry. I thought they’d figure it out eventually on their own or maybe that they already had. Plus I like to poke in people’s heads a little, you know, bad habit.” Lily tried to talk fast. “They pissed me off. And when they asked how to make it up to me, I…”

  “Whoa.” Jambrea let her fingers slide apart so she could stare at Lily. “You’re never speechless. What’s going on? What did you do?”

  “I dared them to kiss each other. And I think they liked it.”

  “What!” The chair clattered against the hardwood floor when it toppled. Jambrea stood, her chest heaving as if she’d sprinted in from the parking lot. “Matt kissed Clint? Like full-on, mouth to mouth?”

  “Yep. At first it was kind of more chin to chin. But they figured it out pretty quick. It was hardly anything, but I could see it had the potential to become a lot more.” A sigh escaped her at the memory.

  “Stop drooling.” Jambrea glared at her.

  Lily actually swiped her hand across her lips to double check.

  “Oh my God, you’ve been living my dream life.” The tall, statuesque woman began to pace after righting the chair she’d so recently occupied. “I can’t believe this. I mean, I’m happy for them of course. But why wouldn’t they just tell me? I’d have supported them.”

  “I’m not sure about that part.” What a mess. How could Lily fix things?

  “So you think they’re trying to tell me they’re into each other now?” Jambrea’s forehead creased as she pinched the bridge of her nose. “I guess I was a convenient excuse for them to experiment. And when they didn’t need that pretext anymore…I got Photoshopped right out of the picture?”

  “I don’t know, Jambi. That doesn’t ring true to me.” Lily shook her head. “Damn men, I’ve spent most of my life learning how they think, but sometimes they still surprise me. How do you feel about the two of them being intimate with each other?”

  “It’s fucking hot as hell.” Jambrea paused her circuit when Lily joined her on the lovely area rug. Gunther hadn’t even blinked when she’d requested a sizable budget for decorating her workspace. It was all part of setting the stage. She put her arms around Jambi, unable to leave the woman alone another moment. Considering her absentee family, Lily’s friend sometimes had issues with trust and abandonment. Didn’t they all? Maybe soon she’d believe she’d never have to fight alone again. “Could you imagine…?”

  Lily recalled all too well the intimacy of their kiss. Awkward and new, there’d still been something there that had soaked her panties. Well, it would have if she’d been wearing any. Then again, she did like to watch two men together. They touched…differently…than when they were with a woman. It was delicious.

  “Well, actually, I don’t have to. I saw it, remember?” She winked at Jambrea, giggling when she took in the other woman’s gaping jaw. “It was as sexy as you’re imagining.”

  “Great. Now I’m going to have more dreams about impossible things. Unless I grow a dick tomorrow, they’re not going to want me.” Jambrea sighed. “I give up, Lily. I can’t do it anymore. I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of striking out. Of all the stars misaligning. Luck hates me. I want something fast and fun. A sure thing. Is that too much to ask?”

  “No, honey, it’s not.” Screw this. Lily squeezed the woman on the edge of losing her composure. “I’m just not sure I have the right venue for what you’d like.”

  “Oh.” Jambrea went stiff in her arms. “I didn’t think of that. Am I insulting you by asking you to use the Playground as a hook up spot? I don’t think of you as some kind of madam. Shit, I have no idea what the protocol is here. I should have asked before I assumed…”

  “Shush.” Lily chuckled as she swatted Jambrea’s shoulder. “You’re fine. Sure, this place means more to the majority, but there are some people looking to scratch an itch. What I’m trying to say is that I don’t know what you’re looking for in a partner, really. We’d need to hammer that out before I could make any suggestions.”

  At the end of the day, Lily knew what the best match would be. But they could take the long way there. “Are you looking for a strictly-sex, one-night show, a fling or something that could turn into a forever thing, even if there’s no pressure right at first?”

  “Oh. I guess I’d like a normal relationship at some point. It just doesn’t seem like fate has that in the cards for me.” She shrugged.

  “Why do you say that? I kind of thought you preferred your independence since you haven’t dated in all the time I’ve known you.” Not a bad approach, Lily admitted. At least until you meet the right guy, or guys, who sweep all your protests away. Sort of like Matt and Clint had for Jambrea. Definitely like Jeremy had done for her.

  “Who says being single was by choice?” her friend countered.

  “I got the sense you weren’t looking.” Lily was impossible to bullshit. “Or maybe even that you were taken. Unavailable. There have been so many times I’ve seen guys flirt with you and it bounces right off. You don’t seem to care.”

  “I think you’re exaggerating. It’s not like men throw themselves at me.” She waved her hands up and down her body. Lily would kill for some of her friend’s height.

  “Oh yeah? What about the cute waiter who always gives us free dessert at the Creekside Café? He even puts his business card, including his cell number, in the folio with the receipt each time.” Lily shook her head.

  “Who, Mark? He probably does that to all his customers.”

  “No. He doesn’t. I’ve been there with other people too, and he never hand
s out his info or brings complimentary chocolate raspberry cake.” Lily crossed her arms.

  “Then I understand why you like to go there when we eat out. Whatever, I tip well.” Jambrea shrugged, still oblivious to her attractiveness. “Okay, though, you might have hit it with unavailable. Emotionally anyway. I guess I have a knack for finding exactly the wrong men. Ones who aren’t really up for grabs. There was someone once. I thought maybe he was my forever guy… It was dumb. There was never any chance. I just couldn’t shake off the way I felt for him. No one else compared, until Matt and Clint.”

  “Who was he?” Lily sat, riveted to the devotion practically making her friend glow.

  “John.”

  “John who?” Not that she expected she knew the guy. More that Lily could sense there was more to the story. Curiosity mixed with professional interest. If she planned to set Jambi up, she had to know what her triggers were.

  “I don’t know.” Jambi sniffed. “I never knew. He was a spy. In the military. I met him overseas. The day our hospital came under fire.”

  “Isn’t that what you got your medal for?” How romantic. And tragically bold. Leave it to Jambrea to lust after the most impossible of lovers.

  “Yep. They said it was for saving the nine soldiers, but it wasn’t. We all knew it was because of John. He breezed through the ceremony, then showed up at my place later. We…we made love. In the morning, he disappeared. And I never saw him or heard from him again.”

  “Wait.” Lily had to have misunderstood. “When did you get that award again?”

  “Nine years ago.” Her friend sank onto the chair once more. This time she buried her face in her hands. Splayed fingers allowed her to peek out at Lily’s gaping mouth.

  “You’re telling me you hung on to a one-night stand for nearly a decade?” Lily regretted her unusually shrill tone when Jambi flinched. “Honey, you didn’t have a crush. You were in love. I’m so sorry he didn’t deserve it.”

  “He told me it couldn’t ever happen again. It’s not his fault I didn’t listen. To be honest, though, there’s still a place in my heart for him.” Jambrea cleared her throat. “They say you never forget your first.”